No matter how many times i stood on this hill alone i never got used to the feeling of desolation that comes with it. But this time the feeling is accompanied by an overwhelming sense of helplessness as i watch the bitter tides of change sweep over me. Buddha said that change is the only thing that is constant in this world. To me, it simply means that nothing is going to be the same again. And i fear it so, uncertain of the things to come, knowing that i have no power to stop it. I have a battle to fight, a battle that is not even mine but am willing to fight for that weary warrior that has fought so hard all his life.

As i stand on this lonely hill and contemplate the future i cannot help but sense that a chapter in my life is coming to an end. This ending is long overdue. i have lived in suspended adolescence long enough. If this is to be my rite of passage to adulthood then so be it.

As seasons come and go i pray that Sorrow would also go. Sorrow is not a companion i would like to keep forever. Though Sorrow has proven to be a wise and effective teacher,it teaches its lessons in the wilderness of loneliness. Even now, as i come crying in the wilderness, Sorrow severely gives out its instructions as if i haven't had enough.

i have no one to talk to on this lonely hill...but as i prepare for the battle ahead i am comforted in knowing that i am not the only one who has ever stood on this hill alone. Only, i deserve it. He didn't. i realize i'm not really alone.

Kiligers

[Discussion of the Lokaret Files v.5]

Para ito sa babaeng nakasabay ko sa jeep noong isang araw.

Pauwi na ako noon. Nakaupo lang s'ya sa harapan ko. There's really nothing extraordinary about her. She's pretty but then ang mga Filipina pretty talaga. :)

What made me notice her was her smile. Teka lang! Teka lang! DISCLAIMER: Hindi po ako lesbiana. Maliwanag.

Meron s'yang katext. That's not extraordinary either. But everytime she finishes texting, that smile on her face while texting stays on her face long after she has sent her messages. Siguro boyfriend o crush nya yung katext nya. Tapos tutunog cellphone n'ya (yep, hindi naka-silent. Ok lang, polyphonic naman. Hindi scandalosa :) mas lalaki ngayon ang kanyang mga ngiti.

Habang pinapanood ko s'ya (syempre, pa-simple lang) medyo napapangiti na rin tuloy ako. Crazy!!! Kinikilig siguro ang gaga. Minsan nahuli ko pa s'yang nakatingin sa kawalan...nakangiti...Hala, crazy talaga! Haha!

Now, don't get me wrong. I am not ridiculing her (tribute nga 'tong come back LF ko di ba). Naaaliw lang ako. As in. Hindi ko alam kung s'ya ba ang sinasabihan ko ng crazy...o kaming dalawa...

Nakwento ko kay Lucky yung girl. Natawa sya. Kung anu-ano raw ang napapansin ko :).

Kaya ko lang naman napansin yun kasi nung nakita yung pinaggagagawa nung girl para akong tumingin sa salamin. Nakita ko ang sarili ko. :)

Sabi ni Lucky sa tanda natin ngayon iilan na lang siguro ang hindi pa dumadaan sa ganun. (siguro nga tama sya, kasi kung hindi, bakit ka ngumingiti ngayon?)

Nga lang, sabi din ni Lucky, ung iba daw sa katagalan nang nangyari yun eh hindi na maalala yung feeling... Tsk, tsk. Sad.

Sa kaso ko, I know the feeling too well... :) Kung minsan kapag nagttxt hindi mo na talaga napapansin na may mga tao sa paligid mo. Ilang beses na akong nahuli ni mama noon na napapangiti sa mga txts, kaya naman madalas nyang itanong,
"Sino ba 'yang katxt mo?"
Kung saan sasagot naman ako ng, "Ha? Wala lang, forwarded joke."
"Nino?"
"Kaklase..."
"Si...?"
"...Lucky..." scape goat...Ayos!

Iba kasi kapag nasasabihan ka ng "miss na kita" kahit araw-araw naman kayong magkatext... Di nga kayo nagkikita pero alam n'yo naman kung anong ginagawa ng bawat isa kasi patuloy kayo sa pagsabi sa isa't isa ng mga pinaggagagawa nyo... kahit na sobrang trivial na ng mga ito. 'Yung iba naman nagkikita na araw-araw, magkasama buong araw pero bago matulog kayo pa rin ang magkatext tapos paggising sa umaga eh kayo nanaman uli! Don't tell me hindi kayo maka-relate... Ano 'yung:

"Ei, katatapos ko lang maglinis ng bahay..." (Ha? Tinatanong mo ba? Nakakatawa sana kung hindi mo lang naa-appreciate. kaso naa-appreciate mo kaya hindi na nakakataw, ne? :)

"Nakauwi na ako, nood ako TV. Tsaka na yang aral aral na yan!"

"Gud nyt! Sweet dreams! Ur probably asleep already anyway. You don't have to txt back. gusto ko lang gumastos ng piso." (achuchu. piso.)

"Nakauwi ka na? Pauwi na rin ako, pagasolina lang ako sandali."

"Miss na kita! Hindi kita nakita sa enrolment kanina ah. Hapon ka pala nag-enrol. :)" (sinong nagsabi sa'yo? Gusto mo pala akong makita, sana sinabi mo...Miss din kita, pero di ko sasabihin... :) Sabi nga ni Lucky: $h!t. We always feel special at kinikilig everytime we hear those words kahit na alam naman natin na hindi lang tayo ang pinagsasabihan nila niyon.)

12:15 AM: "Loka! Nagpagupit pala kayo kanina hindi mo sinabi sa akin. :)" oo, AM, 12:15 AM, bubulabugin ka n'ya tungkol sa bago mong hair cut na hindi pa n'ya nakikita...pero kahit nagising ka n'ya sa iyong pagtulog bakit kaya ko lang sa'yo?)

(I could go on but I would like to know yor kilig stories... feel free to post your comments here or at the chatterbox. :)

Haaayy...Maraming pananagutan 'tong text. :)

To end my ranting...'yung babaeng nakasabay ko sa jeep...nalampasan n'ya 'yung dapat n'yang pagparahan. Pero kahit na nagulantang s'ya sa kanyang pagmumuni-muni...nakangiti pa rin s'yang kumatok sa kisame ng jeep at nagsabing, "Ay, manong! Para! Paraaaaa!"

Patay na si Piglet.

Nadaganan ni Roland.

Nasaan ang katarungan?

Nasaan!

"Ako'y malungkot nanaman..."

Last sunday we adopted two abandoned chicks from our farm in La Union... uh... not a girl chick but a chicken-chick... Barely a week has passed and I've grown super close with those chicks, Somnus and Piglet.

In Greek mythology, Somnus is the god of sleep. Somnus the Chick is aptly named because whenever we held him/her (yeah, can't tell if Somnus the Chick is girl or a boy...)he/she immediately closes his/her eyes and goes to sleep.. cute fellah... :)well his/her somnolence lessened during the past week but the name stayed...

Piglet the Chick was named so because he/she (yep...i can't really tell a chick's gender...) was found near the pig sty... but we're thinking on changing Piglet's name to Aguilus... hehe!

Pero bakit ako malungkot? pagkauwi ko galing preparation for RYLA tomorrow hinanap ko agad yung dalawa... Si Piglet na lang nakita ko... ang ingay nya..."nasan yung isa?"
they were all wearing grim faces. "wala na xa...kinain ni Nugget."
(our dog...asong named after a chicken meal? chicks named after a greek god and a pig cartoon character? anong klaseng mga amo to...?)
I was silent for maybe three minutes. The only sound breaking the silence was Piglet's incessant cries/chirps... Then my dad told me that ER, my younger bro, got into a fight in his school and got the worse of it. I was silent for another three minutes.
After my silence...
"Nalungkot ako..."
"Eh kami kanina pa nalulungkot."
"Nalulunkot talaga ako... Mas nalungkot ako dun sa chick kesa kay ER..."
Then they looked at me as if I grew another head.
"Eh namatay na sya eh...Excited pa naman akong makitang lumaki sya para malaman ko kung sasso nga sya..." :_(

Wierd but true... my heart is heavy with the loss of Somnus the Chick... :( Nag ice cream na lang kami ni Piglet... (yep, my chick eats ice cream...)I miss Somnus...so does Piglet.



"Ako'y malungkot nanaman..."

Hottah! Hottah! Summer na!

oi! san tayo? tara people! kelan tayo magkikita-kita? miss ko na kayo as in! :)

Traveling Light

"If God doesn't build the house the builders only build shacks. If God doesn't guard the city, the night watchman might as well nap. It's useless to rise early and go to bed late, and work your worried fingers to the bone. Don't you know He enjoys giving rest to those He loves?"
- Psalm 127:1-2 (Message Remix Bible)

Dog Tired.

Quizzes. Exams. Research papers. Exams. Practicals. Dead lines. Preceptorship. Exams. Medical histories. Traffic. Exams. Reports. Projects. Nasabi ko na ba? Exams... Sleep? Ano 'yun?

Let go.

Insecurities. Doubts. Fears. Anxiety. Inadequacy. Hurts. Prejudice. Guilt. Apathy. Pain. Worries. Mistrust. Pride. Cynicism. Bitterness. Disillussions. Disappointments. Missing the mark. Loneliness. Darkness. Anger. Expectations. Confusion. Failures. Discontent. Longing. Isolation.Perfectionism. Weakness. Shame.Tears.

You're carrying way too much suitcases, anak. No wonder you're tired. I prepared for you a beautiful sunset kanina para aliwin ka but you were too tired to notice. I sent someone to talk to you, para makita nila kung anong meron tayo...but you were too busy to care.

I've always carried them with me, Ama. I've grown accustomed with my suitcases.

You don't need them, anak. They're only slowing you down. I'll carry them for you. I am able.

But...

You are carrying burdens you were never meant to bear. Set those down, anak. I want to use you, you know. But how can I when you're exhausted? I have a great race for you to run.

:) Ama, talaga. *hugs*

For the sake of those you love, travel light.

For the sake of the God you serve, travel light.

For the sake of your own joy, travel light.

-Max Lucado

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

* bijoi, maraming salamat talaga sa book na binigay mo... :) ngayon ko lang sinimulang basahin kasi i was too busy... sayang, sana noon pa...chapter 2 pa lang ako pero chapter 1 pa lang ang may reflection...i'll post my reflections as soon as i can para may balita ka sa akin... :) thank you!

xa, enuff break...tatapusin ko pa history ko, review pa ng exam... :)

LiVinG iS SIMPle

Living is simple
It's gravity
Gravity isn't so hard
Living is simple
It's entropy
Entropy, falling apart
I'm falling apart again

Living is simple
And breathing is easy
It's easy to do
Living is simple
And losing is easy
I'm losing my cool
I'm losing my cool again

"All will be made well
Will be made well
Will be made well
Will be made well" *

Is this fiction?
Is this fiction?
Hope has given himself to the worst
Is this fiction or divine comedy?
Where the last of the last finish first
Living is simple

Living is dying
Your mercy, Your mercy
Is how I believe
Living is dying
I can't understand it
I'm down on my knees
Confessing my needs again

I've had my choices
I've chosen today
I've had my choices
The choices remain

* Julian of Norwich

Eleksyon 2004

bayan,nandirito po ako ngayon upang ipaalam na nadivirginive na po ang aking right forefinger...SA WAKAS! first time ko pong bumoto ngayon, kahit na ba 21 years old na ako...i finally exercised my right to vote! yey!

med nyt d!vas

this was taken last feb 28 at the cooyeesan hotel where the annual Med Nyt was held. traditionally, med nyts are always hosted and sponsored by the sophomore medical students...this year's theme was retro...{Med Nyt Goes Retro: a blast from the past} and what a blast it was. it was uber fun...plus it provided the respite we needed from our hectic schedules of quizzes, exams, lectures, and the endless make-up hours that seemed to pile up continuously...

University Days!!!

Whoa! At last, something to get busy with...para hindi na lang puro school work.


Haha! Star circle kids...not! :) pedia kids sa aming parade...


And, of course, the mommies... :) san ka pa?


Taong ginto!

It Is Not The Critic Who Counts

It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out
how the strong man stumbled, nor where the other
doer or deeds could have done better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena,
Whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood,
Who strikes valiatly; who errs and comes short
Again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms,
The great devotions, and spends himself to a worthy cause,
Who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement,
And who at the worst if he fails at least fails while daring greatly;
So that his place shall never with those cold and timid souls be
Who know niether victory
Nor defeat.

Vulneratus Non Victus

We lost. Period. We just didn't put too much importance on the cheering competition event. While others had been preparing since june...we just started last july. But what's the point of trying to make excuses for our defeat.

True, we were really crushed at our defeat but like the seasons of the year...it passes. And in the end...we emerge vulneratus non victus [wounded but not defeated].

Huling Hirit: 'di kasi ako nag cheer eh... tignan natin next year!!! hah! ;p

Biochem Updates

Some people i know would be so thrilled to know that I no longer understand biochem. I made sure that Dr. Irmscher was speaking in english and ::gasp:: he was! And I still didn't understand a word of what he lectured last saturday! *cry*

Well... at least I passed prelims. ;p The grade I got wasn't bad either.

Ana2my's a different matter... it's starting to become the bane of my existence.

Blog Make-Over

yay! a new look for my old blog! my thanks to blogskins and may!

?

I'm Lana Lang? I'm Lana Lang!


Which [Smallville] Character are you? Click pix and find out!


crap. i wanted to be lex.

'nuff said.

Which of the 5ive elements are you?


Which [5 Elements] are you?

that's me!

Dilemma

to blog or not to blog... i'm planning to apologize for the current state of my blog page...the url seems to be down or something...but how will anyone have access to today's update when the url's down?!

if u r able to read this then the url crisis is over. ;p DUH! nobody will ever be able to view this with the url down! hahaha!

Konichiwa to ya all!

well, i got the results of my first quizzes and practicals...and they're not really that bad as i first feared (not really totally beyond redeemable). ::whew!:: praise GOD 'cause He's so much bigger than any impossibility! plus He's given me a really great support system. thanks guys for being part of that group. you're with me just when i need you the most.

i'm sorry for the delayed progress of the reconstruction of our syt, with the preliminary xams just around the corner (july 14-19...yeah, the whole week) but i'm feeling so much better now. i can do all things through Him who strengthens me ;) i'm starting to get my wind back.

the weather forecast: scattered rain showers pa rin, but i can see a break in the clouds and the rays of the sun can actually reach me now.

i'm on my fourth week in med school... and i'm already exhausted. as in.

i've done badly in all my quizzes and practicals...i'm just not cut out to review my lessons every night. i'm not used to that. i'm the cramming type of student... ;p i need to change my study habits (which is virtually non-existent by the way ::heehee::

i'd like to take time to thank my 'rents and ato who are so uber understanding of the mess i'm currently in. thanks for always cheering me on and by understanding that i'm still adapting. you make my life so much bearable and you've shown me that there's still hope. i love you. (yuck! ang mushy!!! see, nakakaloka talaga ang med! kidding aside, i really meant what i wrote *blushes*)

the site is currently under construction...and you'll be seeing changes soon. please be patient, it's hard working on it...being busy and all. but here are things to look forward to:

::i'll be featuring article/essays by various super ::ahem:: talented writers (totoo! hintay na lang kayo!)

::since mayngayt is also a site for anime...u'll soon be seeing a segment called "stuff u'll never hear anime characters say!" --that's not yet the title...any suggestions to make it sound catchy? 'll be starting with samurai x...since it's my all time fave anime ;P

::pictures! pictures! pictures!

::calendar girls/boys from our batch! a must see!!!

i'd love hearing from you guys...i'm open for suggestions...just e-mail me, kei?

this is winter signing off.